:: A man and his blog.... ::

:: 7.30.2007 ::

Hey everyone, I'm doing ok I guess. I've been horrible lately to be honest. I was pretty crazy, and wound up hurting a few very close friends. I am pretty much in love with someone who is in love with someone else, and whatever... it got to me, and drove me crazy. I dunno... can't really explain, but I wanted to see her way more than I could, and it frustrated me. I kinda went off the deep end over it... spent a few weeks as an emoitonal wreck then "blew up" and told her some very mean things. It still baffles me. Why I was so mean, rude and hurtful to her. I've said I was sorry 1000x and wished it to be undone but life doesn't work that way. You have to live with your mistakes. I'm sorry for putting so much into it, and wishing so madly that it'd work my way. The world doesn't always work the way you want it to, and you cannot choose who loves you, or make anyone want/love you more. We were close, we were very good friends, we had some sorto f feelings for each other, some connection aside from the friendly hello... and I ruined it all. I just hope she heals with me, rebuilds on the crumbled ruins of the past and hopefully we can build something a little more stable, something I have learned that I cannot pursuade into something it is not. I've never been so mean to someone so close to me in my life, and I'm just glad she didn't throw away all the good years we've had over my selfish, childish and hurtful mistakes. Thank you, I'm looking forward to moving on, rebuilding, and although it may never be the same... maybe it will be new and improved.

Aside from that... I've worked a lil, 4 nights in a row... some kind of record for me. Lately I've had a horrible time getting to work. I'm pretty well sick of my job. It's the long hours and lack of anything going on. Literally watching the grass grow, or collecting data for a thesis on mosquitoes. I need to get off my lazy butt, make myself marketable and get into my "career" before I rot away sitting on my butt destined for "security" jobs for all eternity. Hmm... What else...

300 finally comes out on DVD tomorrow... I'll be out picking it up. Hopefully I don't have to go to LR, but if I do, I'll be swinging by the dealership. I've been getting a Tire Pressure Monitoring system error ever since I got the car back from the body shop. I think they just "flopped" the front wheels and that's all it is, but I dunno... not like I can work on the car in my parking lot (mumu's fat butt SINKS the jack and jackstands into the pavement... making it... interesting to get her down). We'll see... it doesn't matter to me, they all "read" right, as in the right pressure... just give me that annoying error. Umm but yea... 300... tomorrow night, my place... on Blu-Ray (of course), be there or be square... j/p You all know it'll be me, alone, wallowing in my misery watching a bad ass movie... at least everyone doesn't hate me, but everyone that matters to me doesn't exactly "like" me right now. Well I guess this is it for this episode... lots of drama lately, lots of thing I caused directly... can't undo anything in life, so I'll have to see how the path unfolds now.
:: Jeremy 12:25:00 PM [+] ::
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Nothing super new or exciting in my life. My life has regained all sorts of normality as my now ex-girlfriend has left, although some of her stuff still remains here. I'm not the coolest with it, but I give her until tomorrow, then I'll be like... hey... do you want this stuff or what? I want my key back since I never see you anymore and you're running around with your friends all night/day. Whatever... I've been more than nice, if you know about this situation, you know I've bent over backwards for her and been more than accomidating.

Got up today, when the woman I pine for woke me up for our seemingly usual morning conversation. All was well and I rolled out of bed shortly after, jumped in the shower to further awaken myself and then went to do laundry. Upon completion of that task, I decided to wash Mumu. She was pretty dirty, lots of bugs on her front end (I hate bugs, the acidic nature of their guts literally eats and pits paint... grr) Came home, chilled for a bit, chatted with previosuly mention object of my desire and then decided to get some cereal, milk and a new video game for the PS3. So now it appears that I'll play some NCAA football '08 after I get off of here and continue my life of seclusion. That pretty much wraps up my day today...

Lat night I sat around, with nobody to talk to, and nobody around... it was... peaceful to say the least. I fired up Forza Motorsport 2 on the 360 and completed 50 or so races before retiring to bed. I made the decision that since the mooch, aka "Sally", was gone that I was going to sleep in my own bed. It's the first time in nearly a week that I've slept in a bed as I was being more than accomidating to the situation. I snuggled with Pillow L*#@ and went to bed. No strange, savage, etotic or crazy dreams... so it must have been a good night. All in all... my life has stabalized in the absence of "Sally" and things couldn't be better, okay they could... but it's just a pipe dream.
:: Jeremy 1:41:00 PM [+] ::
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As usual I'm sorry for not posting like I said I would, and becoming more of a regular again, but alas... it's been a month or so and I've got updates galore.

About a week after my last post, 6/23/07 I had a big Chargerforums.com meet in Little Rock, AR. Turned out to be a wash, as rain was in the forecast and people had stuff come up, but we managed to get 6 guys together, 2 of which came from out of state. After that I had a get together for a local forum, Synergy501.net, and we had a cruise to one of the local drag strips planned. It was going good, then it started torain. Eventually it stopped, they got to drying the track, but then it rained again and I decided to head home. Made it about 10miles and some guy in a pickup truck with a trailer full of watermelons decided to trun left in front of me. Had it not been raining I most definately could have stopped. It was all cosmetic, just ripped the front bumper off and knocked out the headlights. I just got the car back from the body shop a few days ago, it was ~$4300 in damage... expensive are these automobiles.

So the next day, the 24th... I go to some pool party with a few friends. I kinda spark an interest in a girl because I find her kinda cute. We get to talking and a few days later decide to start dating. It got messed up, too much too fast and yea... it's still a mess I'm dealing with. I'm just trying to get my life back in order, get my apartment back to myself and move the heck on with my life, that was a disaster IMO. I wasn't ready, wasn't really interested in a relationship with that woman and it got way out of hand way too fast.

:: Jeremy 12:45:00 PM [+] ::
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